Monday, July 12
The Barge: Day One
You all know by now where I was last week. If not, skip to the end of this update, and read last Fridays note by me. Then tell the hospital that the lobotomy worked out fine.
Right, so this was the plan. Take twelve good friends, put them on a 12-man narrowboat, add alcahol, and see what happens. Predictably enough, the obvious. Except for the twelth good friend. We never found one in the end. Ah well, all the more rrom for storing bags...
Read, and enjoy. Everyone on the barge has seen everything I've already written, so I've thrown in a bit of suprise reading for you. Enjoy.
THE CAST in no order other than me on top
Chyld: Webmaster extrodinare, Keeper of the Ships Log
Tadpole: Organiser, Co-Captain
Batman: Head Pilot, Co-Captain
Bubbles: Batman's lady, Supreme Cook-in-Chief
Thus United: Primary Resident Couple
AmyJay:
Chyldlings, Single Women
TinyOne:
Amy#2 and her man: Deputy Resident Couple
Sod: Guiness Drinker In Chief
The Smug Elf: Chief Tadpole Annoyer
Brian Blessed: Jolly Geezer, Photographer, Despoiler of Women
Day One (05/07/04)
3:35pm
So, I'm on a boat. I've been on a moving boat for just over an hou, and a nice man spent half an hour on top of that teling us how to drive the thing. Not bloody useful, as we've already crashed three times at least...
The aftermath of the prom (to imagine: "You pulled my date!""And his too!""Really? Oh shit..."), and SuperMarcts impending visit are the main topics of conversation. Nearly everyone has told me to move on from K80, not something I really need to be told to do now.
It's quite clean water at the moment, but earlier, it was filthy. Here's a list of the crazy shit we've seen so far:
-A door
-Tire
-Cushion
-Cushion
-2 Coconuts
-A ball
-Plate
-Table leg
-Builders helmet
-Bowl
-Book
-Pram wheel
-Pail
-Tweenie doll
-Regular dolly
There's nowt else to say for now. Where's the beer?
Chyld note: That was about the extent of the funny stuff we saw in the canal, actually. The first strech of canal was full of filth. I blame the prespondence of kevs for that. The rest of the river was quite clean, actually.
4:15pm
Just passed a sofa on the starboard bow. Oh, we love using naval terms, we do.
4:30pm
First sign of other boats since the start. Also, first traffic jam we've caused...
CN: Of course, we only ever had problems moving the boat when other people wanted to get passed, didn't we? Good thing I never had a go at the helm of the boat, we'd all have died...
4:50pm
Ruminated on why Tweenies are called Tweenies. Bubbles suggests that they are bisexual, being beTweenie straight and gay. Also spoted an "atomiser" in the river. Yeeeeeeeeeeeeees...
CN: I still have no idea what an atomiser actually is, so don't ask. The Tweenies are a kids TV program not far off of the Teletubbies.
5:35pm
Went through first lock. There's nothing very funny to say about going through locks. It involves opening and closing lots of doors, and jumping onto moving boats. End lock story.
6:45pm
Have spent five minutes chopping onions for dinner. I'm now (not) crying, and also starving hungry. Will put Hundred Reasons on soon.
CN: I spent all holiday trying to get everyone to listen to Hundred Reasons. What happened is that I heard the first four songs about sixteen times, and the later tracks... not at all. Bums.
8:13pm
Just finished washing up. Meaty goodness was good, except when I tried to eat myself from the inside out. Damned wisdom teeth popping through. If I needed to be eaten, I'd find a woman for it.
God, being single sucks royal ass.
Brian's just taken another picture of some ducks. We've seen lots of ducks. Yes we have.
CN: Yep, lots of ducks did we see. Funny beasts. Swans too.
9:25pm
Started drinking. Tadpole and Batman seem to have trodden in dogshit. And Batman's somehow sat in it...
Items lost to river:
-One glass
-One pair of shades
-Lots of bread and cakes
CN: To feed the ducks, idiot! No, not the shades... oh never mind.
11:00pm
Risk starts.
11:30pm
Risk abdicates for "sleep" time. Spend about two hours privy to that arcane femenine ritual known as "girlie chat". I now know who all the single women on the boat fancy (CN: Me. No shit.), exactly what manner and volume of lies K80 has been telling to everyone (CN: Loads, and loads), and many other things few men usually hear.
1:30am
Everything that could keep me awake is...
CN: A short, but eventful first day. Did most of my drinking today. Quite significantly, found out that TinyOne liked me a bit more than just as a friend recently, and still does. Its obvious - I can never tell when women like me...)
Right, so this was the plan. Take twelve good friends, put them on a 12-man narrowboat, add alcahol, and see what happens. Predictably enough, the obvious. Except for the twelth good friend. We never found one in the end. Ah well, all the more rrom for storing bags...
Read, and enjoy. Everyone on the barge has seen everything I've already written, so I've thrown in a bit of suprise reading for you. Enjoy.
THE CAST in no order other than me on top
Chyld: Webmaster extrodinare, Keeper of the Ships Log
Tadpole: Organiser, Co-Captain
Batman: Head Pilot, Co-Captain
Bubbles: Batman's lady, Supreme Cook-in-Chief
Thus United: Primary Resident Couple
AmyJay:
Chyldlings, Single Women
TinyOne:
Amy#2 and her man: Deputy Resident Couple
Sod: Guiness Drinker In Chief
The Smug Elf: Chief Tadpole Annoyer
Brian Blessed: Jolly Geezer, Photographer, Despoiler of Women
Day One (05/07/04)
3:35pm
So, I'm on a boat. I've been on a moving boat for just over an hou, and a nice man spent half an hour on top of that teling us how to drive the thing. Not bloody useful, as we've already crashed three times at least...
The aftermath of the prom (to imagine: "You pulled my date!""And his too!""Really? Oh shit..."), and SuperMarcts impending visit are the main topics of conversation. Nearly everyone has told me to move on from K80, not something I really need to be told to do now.
It's quite clean water at the moment, but earlier, it was filthy. Here's a list of the crazy shit we've seen so far:
-A door
-Tire
-Cushion
-Cushion
-2 Coconuts
-A ball
-Plate
-Table leg
-Builders helmet
-Bowl
-Book
-Pram wheel
-Pail
-Tweenie doll
-Regular dolly
There's nowt else to say for now. Where's the beer?
Chyld note: That was about the extent of the funny stuff we saw in the canal, actually. The first strech of canal was full of filth. I blame the prespondence of kevs for that. The rest of the river was quite clean, actually.
4:15pm
Just passed a sofa on the starboard bow. Oh, we love using naval terms, we do.
4:30pm
First sign of other boats since the start. Also, first traffic jam we've caused...
CN: Of course, we only ever had problems moving the boat when other people wanted to get passed, didn't we? Good thing I never had a go at the helm of the boat, we'd all have died...
4:50pm
Ruminated on why Tweenies are called Tweenies. Bubbles suggests that they are bisexual, being beTweenie straight and gay. Also spoted an "atomiser" in the river. Yeeeeeeeeeeeeees...
CN: I still have no idea what an atomiser actually is, so don't ask. The Tweenies are a kids TV program not far off of the Teletubbies.
5:35pm
Went through first lock. There's nothing very funny to say about going through locks. It involves opening and closing lots of doors, and jumping onto moving boats. End lock story.
6:45pm
Have spent five minutes chopping onions for dinner. I'm now (not) crying, and also starving hungry. Will put Hundred Reasons on soon.
CN: I spent all holiday trying to get everyone to listen to Hundred Reasons. What happened is that I heard the first four songs about sixteen times, and the later tracks... not at all. Bums.
8:13pm
Just finished washing up. Meaty goodness was good, except when I tried to eat myself from the inside out. Damned wisdom teeth popping through. If I needed to be eaten, I'd find a woman for it.
God, being single sucks royal ass.
Brian's just taken another picture of some ducks. We've seen lots of ducks. Yes we have.
CN: Yep, lots of ducks did we see. Funny beasts. Swans too.
9:25pm
Started drinking. Tadpole and Batman seem to have trodden in dogshit. And Batman's somehow sat in it...
Items lost to river:
-One glass
-One pair of shades
-Lots of bread and cakes
CN: To feed the ducks, idiot! No, not the shades... oh never mind.
11:00pm
Risk starts.
11:30pm
Risk abdicates for "sleep" time. Spend about two hours privy to that arcane femenine ritual known as "girlie chat". I now know who all the single women on the boat fancy (CN: Me. No shit.), exactly what manner and volume of lies K80 has been telling to everyone (CN: Loads, and loads), and many other things few men usually hear.
1:30am
Everything that could keep me awake is...
CN: A short, but eventful first day. Did most of my drinking today. Quite significantly, found out that TinyOne liked me a bit more than just as a friend recently, and still does. Its obvious - I can never tell when women like me...)
