Less Is More v1.6

It's not very often that I do a review of anything, let alone a horror movie, but I've seen lots while I've been here. Damnit, I've seen more films while I've been at uni, than pretty much half my life at home, so I'm going to do a damned review!

So, Bride of Chucky then.

Some of you (not me) may be aware of the "Child's Play" series, which centered around a serial killer, Charles "Chucky" Lee Ray coming back to life as a doll, murdering people, and trying to get a new body. Most of you will not. Take that piece of exposition and run with it.

So, this is seemingly the fourth film in the series, and left me with a horrenous desire never to see its prequals. As far as simple blood and gore went, only Saw has bettered this film. But Saw had the advantage of a gripping storyline, with twists and turns, and of course, actual frightening bits! Yahtzee has said many times that Freddy Kruegar is a jovial-seeming figure of fun, but compared to a doll in overalls, he's the embodiment of Fear itself. I mean, you have to respect a guy with claws and burns, etc.

But anyway, the film itself. It starts with a policeman emptying a police locker of its contents, and stopping in a carpark. He stops the car, casually looks into the bag... and gets his throat slit. Blood gushes in such rivers as to make the bed in Nightmare on Elm Street 1 look like a paper cut. And you can tell its simple red water too. Then, Vaguely Hot Chick Played By Some Bird Called Jeniffer Tilly, thus named Tiffany cleans off her knife, collects her bag, and scarpers.

She returns to her trailer, as all girlfriends of serial killers do, and

attempts a voodoo ritual to ressurect what turns out to be the Doll of Chucky itself from the grave. however, it does bugger all, so she looks a bit dejected as her present crush, a guy they must have pulled straight out of Cradle of Filth, comes in and demands sex. She chains him to the bed, sticks the doll on his chest, and does a strip-tease, taunting Cradle of Filth guy over how much better a lover her ex, who happens to have been Chucky by no coincidence at all, was than he. Mr Cradle of Filth Guy declares he thinks this is bollocks, upon which the doll decides to get his arse in gear, tears out Cradle of Filth Guy's lip-chain, and smothers him with a pillow. He sits down during this, and has a chat with his long estanged missus, who seems to think this doll wants to marry her. Oh mais non, ma cherie! Chucky's more interested in the killing than the settling down, so in vengence, Jennifer Tilly locks him in a cot with a Wedding Bride Doll and laughs at him.

Never mock the serial killer, dearie, and don't give him a wedding ring you can saw through wooden bars with, because if you do both, he'll drop a toaster in the bath you're washing in, and summon your soul into the doll you've left him with. As you can guess, he does all this, much to her horror, and they both plan to find Chucky's grave, to find some amulet that they need to shift their souls into real human bodies, or some crap.

Y'know, this guy's been resurrected into the same doll four times over now. Surely someone must ahve twigged that they could just do it to a normal body, and be done with it, without the whole digging up the dead thing. But yeah.

Meanwhile, the two token "teens that somehow survive to the end" are getting harrassed by the Token Hot Chicks dad, the chief of police, who doesn't want Token Hot Chick going out with Token Good Guy, who happens to live in the next caravan to Tiffany. They plan to run away, but how? Mysteriously, Token Good Guy's neighbour, Tiffany, offers him a thousand dollars to deliver two dolls to a graveyard. How convenient! He takes the dolls and money, and goes off to pick his missus up.

Meanwhile, Mr Police Chief decides to look inside the van, and plant some weed there. Our dolls aren't happy about this invasion of their privacy, and fill his face full of nails. "Hellraiser", I thought. They then hide him in a trunk, and filch the weed. How they intend to smoke it when they're meltable plastic, I don't know.

So the Token Good Guys drive off, and get stopped by Mr Annoying Policeman, hunting for the pre-placed weed. Completly missing the body, he finds it, and tries to radio his boss, who's currently bleeding all over the van. Our man Chucky isn't having any of this delay, sticks some rag in through the petrol-hole, and lights it. Boom. And while this happens, our Token Couple are getting scared that the other is a murderer.

Tell you what, I'll finish this later this week, OK?