Monday, April 26
Only 250 calories? Oh, shut up...
At the moment, I am sitting here over the remains of my lunch. And not an irreputable lunch either. On the off-chance you find some of what I eat funny, here is what lies ravaged by my belly:
-One chocolate frosting Frech bread sandwich
-Two crumpets
-One Cheestring (a sort of cheese-based item)
-One cereal bar
-One packet of crisps
See? With any luck, I'll have just listed my lunch, and gotten some poor sap into hysterics! For that one person, Wibble Puppies! Peebles! Wobble bottem!
Sorry about that. So, my lunch.
I have no idea how many calories are in my lunch, and do you know why? I haven't wasted my time checking. And neither do I intend to at any point between now and when I die. Because my life does not hinge on how many pounds I put on/off, how many calories I eat, etc. I'm 12 stone and content.
Admittedly, I have an anatomy that burns off food like dust in a nuclear furnace, while leaving me with a small pair of man-titties and an arse like two bowling balls. Queue up ladies! I'll bet you're all dying for a slice now!
But I could be a lot fatter, and I am not. Why is that? Well, apart from not eating McDonalds every day (weekly is bad enough), I do lots of walking. Whether to school, to a stoner gathering, to a party, or occasionly to the next town, the lack of a car prevents me from going "Oh bugger it, where's the keys?" like some lazy bastards I can't think of.
Where is this all headed? I don't damn well know. But I think I'm bitching about people fixated with their figure. I know so very many fine people who are soulless and evil people. And by the other hand, I know people who would be passed off as ugly, but are by and large the nicest people I know. It doesn't damn well matter what you look like!
Women are the worst for it. Stop being so insecure! We're not going to deplore you because your bum's a smidgen bit big in the mirror! Stop asking! We're more concerned by the (true) fact that you're going to get upset by any answer we'll give!
And the people on the Atkins diet: eating six tonnes of fat and no bread will not make you thin. Eat like a normal person, you freak.
And finally, the next person that writes me off because of how I dress will get their head kicked in. Anyone who does Media Studies with me will know who I'm talking about.
NON SPITEFUL NOTE: I'm already considering guest updates and we're barely a week into this. Ho hum, might fill space on Fridays. If you think you can write as wittily as me for about 500 words (No sequals to my serial killing update/cool tales of getting stoned/Chyld-mocking missives, I'll do them myself, thanks), e-mail a synopsis to me here, or actually talk to me, and I'll see what I can be arsed to do.
-One chocolate frosting Frech bread sandwich
-Two crumpets
-One Cheestring (a sort of cheese-based item)
-One cereal bar
-One packet of crisps
See? With any luck, I'll have just listed my lunch, and gotten some poor sap into hysterics! For that one person, Wibble Puppies! Peebles! Wobble bottem!
Sorry about that. So, my lunch.
I have no idea how many calories are in my lunch, and do you know why? I haven't wasted my time checking. And neither do I intend to at any point between now and when I die. Because my life does not hinge on how many pounds I put on/off, how many calories I eat, etc. I'm 12 stone and content.
Admittedly, I have an anatomy that burns off food like dust in a nuclear furnace, while leaving me with a small pair of man-titties and an arse like two bowling balls. Queue up ladies! I'll bet you're all dying for a slice now!
But I could be a lot fatter, and I am not. Why is that? Well, apart from not eating McDonalds every day (weekly is bad enough), I do lots of walking. Whether to school, to a stoner gathering, to a party, or occasionly to the next town, the lack of a car prevents me from going "Oh bugger it, where's the keys?" like some lazy bastards I can't think of.
Where is this all headed? I don't damn well know. But I think I'm bitching about people fixated with their figure. I know so very many fine people who are soulless and evil people. And by the other hand, I know people who would be passed off as ugly, but are by and large the nicest people I know. It doesn't damn well matter what you look like!
Women are the worst for it. Stop being so insecure! We're not going to deplore you because your bum's a smidgen bit big in the mirror! Stop asking! We're more concerned by the (true) fact that you're going to get upset by any answer we'll give!
And the people on the Atkins diet: eating six tonnes of fat and no bread will not make you thin. Eat like a normal person, you freak.
And finally, the next person that writes me off because of how I dress will get their head kicked in. Anyone who does Media Studies with me will know who I'm talking about.
NON SPITEFUL NOTE: I'm already considering guest updates and we're barely a week into this. Ho hum, might fill space on Fridays. If you think you can write as wittily as me for about 500 words (No sequals to my serial killing update/cool tales of getting stoned/Chyld-mocking missives, I'll do them myself, thanks), e-mail a synopsis to me here, or actually talk to me, and I'll see what I can be arsed to do.
