Thursday, May 27
Tails of The Wife. Who Is Old.
Right, the Slipknot theme has now officially died on its arse. Ghey.
But now then. Superstitions, indeed.
Back when there was no science, there was mythology. The world was not created by massivly improbable explosions, it was created by Zeus/Odin/Ug/God. And with that, came superstition. For example, the Greeks believed you could read the future in the guts of a raven. Obviously, it didn't work, as there are still plenty of ravens alive in the future. I wonder how often they predicted that then...
Nowadays, we still get some superstitions, lurking like a fart in a car. Lets have a looksy, and see what fun we can poke at them.
Magpies
When your longest standing girlfriend feels obliged to pass the time of day with any lone magpies, it does rub off. As do other things. Hehehe. Oh never mind.
So, the idea is that it goes something like this:
One for sorrow, two for joy,
Three for a girl, four for a boy,
Five for silver, six for gold,
Seven for a secret never to be told.
I have a feeling someone was trying to make it rhyme. I assume that "Seven for your wife to leave you and your trousers to fall down in public" didn't fit. Hasn't happened to me yet, but knowing my luck...
Besides, what genius decided one magpie was bad luck? If you follow this system of superstition, then half the time, you're down for bad luck. Unless you tell said magpie to pass your regards onto his wife.
1.) What do you do if it IS Mrs Magpie? Mothers get offended if you don't know what sex their ugly new baby is, maybe magpies are the same. That wouldn't be good luck at all..
2.) It seems to be like Catholic Confession, too much of an easy cop-out. If you're going to declare that one magpie is equal to bad luck, you've got to see it through. Tish fiddle and all.
Umbrellas
"Don't open umbrellas inside". they say. Sounds like the common sense brigade decided to try and make it a law. But obviously, the No Umbrellas Inside Act of 1425 was not passed, so they decided to force bad luck on anyone who did it.
Okay, so you don't usually need to open brollies inside, but lets factor in leaks. If a ceiling decided to leak while you were under it, you'd be a bit fucked.
"Fuck, I'm getting wet and my gel's running. Thank god for my umbrella."
"Don't fucking do that! It's bad luck!"
"Well tush diddly, looks like its Brylcream down my face then."
You could make a case for using buckets, or just moving, but that's the easy way out, like Confession or Saying Hello To Magpies.
Ladders
"No walking under ladders." Who the Dickens makes up all of these superstitions, anyway? Let's script some possible origins...
One Sunny Day, there is a ladder and a grand piano suspended from a rope.
Enter Silly Man
Silly Man: Hello everyone! I am a very silly man!
Walks under a ladder
SM: That's rather odd, that ladder wasn't there yesterday. Hey ho, never mind.
Walks under piano
SM: Oh look, a piano. Well, it creates a nice shady patch...
Piano falls and squashes Silly Man.
Enter Other Man
Other Man: Egad! The grand piano I suspended in the air has flattened my good friend, Silly Man! And it seems he walked under my ladder! I conclude that it's bad luck to walk under a ladder!
Anvil falls on top of Other Man
OM: Well fuck me diddles.
Gotta love that piece of filler...
The Scottish Play
In theatrical circles, saying "Macbeth" is very unlucky, so it is "The Scottish Play". It actually seems to work in practise (Death By Macbeth probably going onto death certificates nowadays), but imagine if the real Macbeth had suffered that problem...
"Hello, Scottish Play!" declared Lady Macbeth, as her husband walked through the door.
"Hello, Lady Scottish Play!" replied Macbeth. "I murdered Duncan today."
"That's nice, dear. Now help me fill in these tax return forms."
"Right. You need to stick my name in there..."
"The real one, or the assumed one?"
"Macbeth, you silly woman!" cried Macbeth, just before a one tonne weight fell on him
"Oh crap."
There, wasn't that fun? Its amazing how many other daft superstitions people came up with while I wrote this. We may have another update in line, it seems...
But now then. Superstitions, indeed.
Back when there was no science, there was mythology. The world was not created by massivly improbable explosions, it was created by Zeus/Odin/Ug/God. And with that, came superstition. For example, the Greeks believed you could read the future in the guts of a raven. Obviously, it didn't work, as there are still plenty of ravens alive in the future. I wonder how often they predicted that then...
Nowadays, we still get some superstitions, lurking like a fart in a car. Lets have a looksy, and see what fun we can poke at them.
Magpies
When your longest standing girlfriend feels obliged to pass the time of day with any lone magpies, it does rub off. As do other things. Hehehe. Oh never mind.
So, the idea is that it goes something like this:
One for sorrow, two for joy,
Three for a girl, four for a boy,
Five for silver, six for gold,
Seven for a secret never to be told.
I have a feeling someone was trying to make it rhyme. I assume that "Seven for your wife to leave you and your trousers to fall down in public" didn't fit. Hasn't happened to me yet, but knowing my luck...
Besides, what genius decided one magpie was bad luck? If you follow this system of superstition, then half the time, you're down for bad luck. Unless you tell said magpie to pass your regards onto his wife.
1.) What do you do if it IS Mrs Magpie? Mothers get offended if you don't know what sex their ugly new baby is, maybe magpies are the same. That wouldn't be good luck at all..
2.) It seems to be like Catholic Confession, too much of an easy cop-out. If you're going to declare that one magpie is equal to bad luck, you've got to see it through. Tish fiddle and all.
Umbrellas
"Don't open umbrellas inside". they say. Sounds like the common sense brigade decided to try and make it a law. But obviously, the No Umbrellas Inside Act of 1425 was not passed, so they decided to force bad luck on anyone who did it.
Okay, so you don't usually need to open brollies inside, but lets factor in leaks. If a ceiling decided to leak while you were under it, you'd be a bit fucked.
"Fuck, I'm getting wet and my gel's running. Thank god for my umbrella."
"Don't fucking do that! It's bad luck!"
"Well tush diddly, looks like its Brylcream down my face then."
You could make a case for using buckets, or just moving, but that's the easy way out, like Confession or Saying Hello To Magpies.
Ladders
"No walking under ladders." Who the Dickens makes up all of these superstitions, anyway? Let's script some possible origins...
One Sunny Day, there is a ladder and a grand piano suspended from a rope.
Enter Silly Man
Silly Man: Hello everyone! I am a very silly man!
Walks under a ladder
SM: That's rather odd, that ladder wasn't there yesterday. Hey ho, never mind.
Walks under piano
SM: Oh look, a piano. Well, it creates a nice shady patch...
Piano falls and squashes Silly Man.
Enter Other Man
Other Man: Egad! The grand piano I suspended in the air has flattened my good friend, Silly Man! And it seems he walked under my ladder! I conclude that it's bad luck to walk under a ladder!
Anvil falls on top of Other Man
OM: Well fuck me diddles.
Gotta love that piece of filler...
The Scottish Play
In theatrical circles, saying "Macbeth" is very unlucky, so it is "The Scottish Play". It actually seems to work in practise (Death By Macbeth probably going onto death certificates nowadays), but imagine if the real Macbeth had suffered that problem...
"Hello, Scottish Play!" declared Lady Macbeth, as her husband walked through the door.
"Hello, Lady Scottish Play!" replied Macbeth. "I murdered Duncan today."
"That's nice, dear. Now help me fill in these tax return forms."
"Right. You need to stick my name in there..."
"The real one, or the assumed one?"
"Macbeth, you silly woman!" cried Macbeth, just before a one tonne weight fell on him
"Oh crap."
There, wasn't that fun? Its amazing how many other daft superstitions people came up with while I wrote this. We may have another update in line, it seems...
