Wednesday, May 19
Should Have Been More of Less...
So, I have this blog, right? Typically, blogs are about the author, and all I do is chat rubbish all day long.
So, to heighten the rumours that I'm self obsessed (and the fact that there's nothing else worth putting up), I'm going to do the equvilant of one of those stupid e-mail circular things. Although I'm actually using questions Kerrang! magazine asks its assorted rock stars in a column every week, as since I have half a brain, most circular e-mails are wiped off of my e-mail like shit down a toilet.
So, About Chyld At Ten O'clock Last Night...
1.) HOW ARE YOU TODAY?
The sun was shining, I had a beer (but sadly not two), and the girl I love/fancy agreed to be my prom date. While a million and one things could make the day I've had better (An ounce of free weed? Lots of pre-marital sex? A girl declaring undying love for me?), it's hardly been a bad day.
2.) WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?
Nothing. At time of writing, its half ten at night, I'm in bed, and it's boiling. So nekkid it is. Oh, you might have wanted to turn off your imagination there...
3.) WHAT SONG IS IN YOUR HEAD RIGHT NOW?
Currently, my head is tired and empty and full of cotten wool. If anything, i'd be either "Set It Off" by Skindred, or "Think" by Drowning Pool. This line of thought isn't helped by searching my CD racks for something to satirise...
4.) WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
Dinner, probably. Chicked breast, oven chips, and colesaw. All good shit.
5.) WHAT CAN YOU COOK?
I do a mean cheese on toast. Not good enough? How about blue instant custard? Nope? What do you people want, flambe cooking?
6.) WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU SPOKE TO ON THE PHONE?
More than likely, my paper round boss, talking for a minute and still not actually telling me if I'm needed in tomorrow or not. What, were you expecting "I spent four hours talking to the girl I love"? Get real. She's too busy leaving her phone that she never lets leave her side in her room when I try and call her. Odd creatures, women...
7.) WHAT'S THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX?
In this rough order; face, tits, arse, face again, wall a foot to the right of girl. I'm such a romantic.
8.) GIG OR PARTY?
You can tell these questions are aimed at rock stars. Parties get gate crashed, and proper gigs cost too damn much. In an ideal world, it'd be getting stoned in a field, then going back to someones house for beers.
9.) FAVOURITE TOUR BUS ACTIVITY?
I like to knock up a couple of groupies, snort a line of coke off of a toilet seat, then jam with some guys who may be my band. Then awaken from my reverie. Because I don't even have a serious band, never mind a tour bus.
10.) WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT?
Much the same as I'm doing tonight, bollocks on my laptop.
11.) WHAT ARE YOU SCARED OF?
Myself. I have no idea what kind of crazy shit could happen if I properly lost the plot. If that's a crap answer, say heights and be done with it.
12.) LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
I omitted this question, as I actually couldn't remember.
13.) WHAT WAS YOUR LAST SHAG LIKE?
Crap. And too long ago. Mr Weiner and Mr Hand are too well acquainted...
14.) HOW DO YOU WANT TO DIE?
Taking the bastard who killed me down with me. Or something spectacular. Whatever.
15.) TELL US A SECRET
All the best and juciest ones are sworn to secrecy. So here's one. I dream, and it comes true. Literally.
16.) WHAT'S YOUR BEST QUALITY?
I try and be nice to all people all the time. The world is full of haters. Old friends are falling apart, even good friends are having arguements about absolutly nothing. I try and be a lover. Obviously, there are exceptions, but only really for the scum of the Earth.
17.) AND YOUR WORST?
I smoke too much weed. It'll kill my lungs, one day. But you've got to have your vices...
18.) WHAT'S ON YOUR SCREEN SAVER?
It;s just a shitty Marquee mesage, so we'll talk about my desktop and pretend I misunderstood. The people who normally fill this in get away with it. It's currently my cat, Amy, lying on the lounge floor by an inexplicable roll of carpet we recieved one day. No one will ell me what its for...
19.) FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING?
Where's that sodding beeping sound coming from? Damn phone. Right, alarm off, time for bed again. SEVEN THIRTY?!? Jesus...
20.) I'LL DO ANYTHING FOR LOVE, BUT I WON'T DO...
This for an update again for a very long time.
So, to heighten the rumours that I'm self obsessed (and the fact that there's nothing else worth putting up), I'm going to do the equvilant of one of those stupid e-mail circular things. Although I'm actually using questions Kerrang! magazine asks its assorted rock stars in a column every week, as since I have half a brain, most circular e-mails are wiped off of my e-mail like shit down a toilet.
So, About Chyld At Ten O'clock Last Night...
1.) HOW ARE YOU TODAY?
The sun was shining, I had a beer (but sadly not two), and the girl I love/fancy agreed to be my prom date. While a million and one things could make the day I've had better (An ounce of free weed? Lots of pre-marital sex? A girl declaring undying love for me?), it's hardly been a bad day.
2.) WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?
Nothing. At time of writing, its half ten at night, I'm in bed, and it's boiling. So nekkid it is. Oh, you might have wanted to turn off your imagination there...
3.) WHAT SONG IS IN YOUR HEAD RIGHT NOW?
Currently, my head is tired and empty and full of cotten wool. If anything, i'd be either "Set It Off" by Skindred, or "Think" by Drowning Pool. This line of thought isn't helped by searching my CD racks for something to satirise...
4.) WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
Dinner, probably. Chicked breast, oven chips, and colesaw. All good shit.
5.) WHAT CAN YOU COOK?
I do a mean cheese on toast. Not good enough? How about blue instant custard? Nope? What do you people want, flambe cooking?
6.) WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU SPOKE TO ON THE PHONE?
More than likely, my paper round boss, talking for a minute and still not actually telling me if I'm needed in tomorrow or not. What, were you expecting "I spent four hours talking to the girl I love"? Get real. She's too busy leaving her phone that she never lets leave her side in her room when I try and call her. Odd creatures, women...
7.) WHAT'S THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX?
In this rough order; face, tits, arse, face again, wall a foot to the right of girl. I'm such a romantic.
8.) GIG OR PARTY?
You can tell these questions are aimed at rock stars. Parties get gate crashed, and proper gigs cost too damn much. In an ideal world, it'd be getting stoned in a field, then going back to someones house for beers.
9.) FAVOURITE TOUR BUS ACTIVITY?
I like to knock up a couple of groupies, snort a line of coke off of a toilet seat, then jam with some guys who may be my band. Then awaken from my reverie. Because I don't even have a serious band, never mind a tour bus.
10.) WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT?
Much the same as I'm doing tonight, bollocks on my laptop.
11.) WHAT ARE YOU SCARED OF?
Myself. I have no idea what kind of crazy shit could happen if I properly lost the plot. If that's a crap answer, say heights and be done with it.
12.) LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
I omitted this question, as I actually couldn't remember.
13.) WHAT WAS YOUR LAST SHAG LIKE?
Crap. And too long ago. Mr Weiner and Mr Hand are too well acquainted...
14.) HOW DO YOU WANT TO DIE?
Taking the bastard who killed me down with me. Or something spectacular. Whatever.
15.) TELL US A SECRET
All the best and juciest ones are sworn to secrecy. So here's one. I dream, and it comes true. Literally.
16.) WHAT'S YOUR BEST QUALITY?
I try and be nice to all people all the time. The world is full of haters. Old friends are falling apart, even good friends are having arguements about absolutly nothing. I try and be a lover. Obviously, there are exceptions, but only really for the scum of the Earth.
17.) AND YOUR WORST?
I smoke too much weed. It'll kill my lungs, one day. But you've got to have your vices...
18.) WHAT'S ON YOUR SCREEN SAVER?
It;s just a shitty Marquee mesage, so we'll talk about my desktop and pretend I misunderstood. The people who normally fill this in get away with it. It's currently my cat, Amy, lying on the lounge floor by an inexplicable roll of carpet we recieved one day. No one will ell me what its for...
19.) FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING?
Where's that sodding beeping sound coming from? Damn phone. Right, alarm off, time for bed again. SEVEN THIRTY?!? Jesus...
20.) I'LL DO ANYTHING FOR LOVE, BUT I WON'T DO...
This for an update again for a very long time.
