Thursday, May 6
School House Rock Bottem
So, I've been in Sixth Form for two years now. A fortnight of lessons, a dozen exams, and I'm free of formal schooling forever. Quite scary, really, but fear and funny blogs don't mix so very well. Lambasting my lessons and teachers and making in-jokes only my real life friends will get, however, is perfectly on the cards.
Besides, unless I do it now, the inspiration will vanish, and I'll have to write about smoking weed. And lets be honest, I have all summer for that. So, lambasting.
Media Studies
Media Studies has a horrible reputation. Apparently, all we do is sit around and watch episodes of Eastenders. Anyone that thinks I'm going to watch Cockney morons beating each other up willingly, without being suicidally bored, is probably being held underwater by divers boots. Instead, we alternate between two teachers. One is presently letting us bugger off to film videos, despite there only being three cameras Actually, to fill space, here's the videos our regular readership/sponsers are doing:
Chyld: Music video for "Psychosis Safari", an Eighties Matchbox... song. It involves CompleteAnarchy drinking lots of whisky, being beaten up, harshly rejected, and hallucinating.A typical day in my life, then.
CompleteAnarchy: Music video for "The Reefer Song". The meaning of the song is fairly obvious, as is the material filmed for it, and the cast. I also had a cameo as a guitarist...
Amyjay: Opening of a "romantic comedy". Unfortunatly, its not funny enough to lampoon properly. But the out-takes are quite funny. Old women coming out of shops, not recieving texts in time, and other such oddities...
Her: A childrens story. Laugh at Chyld in a horrible wooly jumper! Jump in fear at Amyjay dressed as... a witch! My co-star nearly took out my eye with a stick during the filming...
Jonny Napalm: No one knows. Least of all, himself.
The other teacher lets us go early nearly always, which we like.
English
I wanted to drop this subject, partly because it sucked, partly because people I wanted to spend time with had a free period then. However, since one of the teachers is our Head of Year, and she didn't want me to drop it, I joined the overworked hoardes doing four A-levels. Her lessons involved her alternatly deriding my lack of effort, and praising my amazing commitment. Now its a free, due to the amazing lack of work left to do.
The other significant teacher we have is renowned for never smiling, and I attribute this to being an English teacher. She doesn't give us enough work to actually pass the time, yet too much to actually have a reason to bunk the lesson. Typical.
One of our Media Studies teachers also has us for an hour a week, but I've no idea what we actually did in his lesson this year. The previous year, he spent an entire year reading us a single book, specifically missing the funniest parts. IE, the sex. Meh.
Maths
Ive considered doing an update on just how useful this subject is, but I got bored. And anyway, I understand the simple dances of numbers, and how everything is equal and balenced. However, this does not seem to apply to anything I'm doing at the moment.
It doesn't help that fully 2/3rds of the teachers we've had for the suject are/were useless. One, The Oompa-Loompa Lady, decided that since mankind is already a telepathic species, writing the answers to questions on the board and not explaining the process involved is a good way to learn. Needless to say, I only did one piece of homework over one and a half years for her.
Then, we were given Inept Canadian Teacher, who we still have for half our lessons. Apparently, she threatened to quit unless she was given an A Level class to teach. With the amazing despondence of Maths teachers in this fair land, we were lumped with her. Typical bloody Americans. And yes, there's a difference between Americans and Canadians, but it annoys them both, so its staying up. These lessons are characterised by the two extremes; her launching incomprehensable mathematical jargon at us, and her being patronisingly condesending about addition (as an example). Needless to say, I haven't done any work for her ever.
Drama
Ah, the Performing Arts! Always been something I've enjoyed, but something I've somehow become crap at. Meh.
There's suprisingly little that's that funny about this lesson, apart from that our teacher is actually an Egyptian mummy. Thus far, however, we have neither seen a sarcoughagous, nor heard a moan of "Brainssss..."
Right, that topic fizzled out quite quickly. I'm now going to wonder why some women can't seem to get along with anyone...
Besides, unless I do it now, the inspiration will vanish, and I'll have to write about smoking weed. And lets be honest, I have all summer for that. So, lambasting.
Media Studies
Media Studies has a horrible reputation. Apparently, all we do is sit around and watch episodes of Eastenders. Anyone that thinks I'm going to watch Cockney morons beating each other up willingly, without being suicidally bored, is probably being held underwater by divers boots. Instead, we alternate between two teachers. One is presently letting us bugger off to film videos, despite there only being three cameras Actually, to fill space, here's the videos our regular readership/sponsers are doing:
Chyld: Music video for "Psychosis Safari", an Eighties Matchbox... song. It involves CompleteAnarchy drinking lots of whisky, being beaten up, harshly rejected, and hallucinating.A typical day in my life, then.
CompleteAnarchy: Music video for "The Reefer Song". The meaning of the song is fairly obvious, as is the material filmed for it, and the cast. I also had a cameo as a guitarist...
Amyjay: Opening of a "romantic comedy". Unfortunatly, its not funny enough to lampoon properly. But the out-takes are quite funny. Old women coming out of shops, not recieving texts in time, and other such oddities...
Her: A childrens story. Laugh at Chyld in a horrible wooly jumper! Jump in fear at Amyjay dressed as... a witch! My co-star nearly took out my eye with a stick during the filming...
Jonny Napalm: No one knows. Least of all, himself.
The other teacher lets us go early nearly always, which we like.
English
I wanted to drop this subject, partly because it sucked, partly because people I wanted to spend time with had a free period then. However, since one of the teachers is our Head of Year, and she didn't want me to drop it, I joined the overworked hoardes doing four A-levels. Her lessons involved her alternatly deriding my lack of effort, and praising my amazing commitment. Now its a free, due to the amazing lack of work left to do.
The other significant teacher we have is renowned for never smiling, and I attribute this to being an English teacher. She doesn't give us enough work to actually pass the time, yet too much to actually have a reason to bunk the lesson. Typical.
One of our Media Studies teachers also has us for an hour a week, but I've no idea what we actually did in his lesson this year. The previous year, he spent an entire year reading us a single book, specifically missing the funniest parts. IE, the sex. Meh.
Maths
Ive considered doing an update on just how useful this subject is, but I got bored. And anyway, I understand the simple dances of numbers, and how everything is equal and balenced. However, this does not seem to apply to anything I'm doing at the moment.
It doesn't help that fully 2/3rds of the teachers we've had for the suject are/were useless. One, The Oompa-Loompa Lady, decided that since mankind is already a telepathic species, writing the answers to questions on the board and not explaining the process involved is a good way to learn. Needless to say, I only did one piece of homework over one and a half years for her.
Then, we were given Inept Canadian Teacher, who we still have for half our lessons. Apparently, she threatened to quit unless she was given an A Level class to teach. With the amazing despondence of Maths teachers in this fair land, we were lumped with her. Typical bloody Americans. And yes, there's a difference between Americans and Canadians, but it annoys them both, so its staying up. These lessons are characterised by the two extremes; her launching incomprehensable mathematical jargon at us, and her being patronisingly condesending about addition (as an example). Needless to say, I haven't done any work for her ever.
Drama
Ah, the Performing Arts! Always been something I've enjoyed, but something I've somehow become crap at. Meh.
There's suprisingly little that's that funny about this lesson, apart from that our teacher is actually an Egyptian mummy. Thus far, however, we have neither seen a sarcoughagous, nor heard a moan of "Brainssss..."
Right, that topic fizzled out quite quickly. I'm now going to wonder why some women can't seem to get along with anyone...
