Monday, May 3
A Long And Pointless Arguement...
So, ducks and cats.
Debates have been ranging across the forums (straying so close to spam I've been tempted to flex my moderati muscles) upon which common farmyard animal is better. This should hopefully resolve your barmy arguement for you...
Ducks Vs. Cats: The Great Showdown Update Thing
Getting Around
Ducks: Ducks can fly. That's a good way of summerising it. Flying > everything else. They can swim too! And they waddle, but magpies do it so much better.
Cats: Well, cats can jump proporionatly as high as a house or two and crawl through tiny holes. But that bird they're hunting can fly away, and its bad enough if they fall in the bath, let alone try swimming properly.
WINNER: Ducks
Strokiness
Ducks: While you can stroke ducks, and I suppose it would be an enjoyable experience were the crazy bird not trying to eat your fingers, you couldn't have a duck on your lap. It'd either fly off or poo on your evil villan's suit.
Cats: Cats were created to be stroked. If they're not enjoying it so much, they claw you. Or, in my case, leaving enough fur to fill a large pillow on your nice clean T-shirt.
WINNER: Cats. They're both quite nasty really, but cats are actually jointed right to sit on your lap...
On Roads
Ducks: One sunny day, I was riding my bike, and doing a paper-round, because that's how I made my drug money before I came to work in a chemist. Irony, they said. But anyway, I'm going down a road, co-incidently the road my house is on, and there's a duck sitting in the middle of it. I had to gently toe-punt the little bugger onto the pavement. (I don't know how vicious ducks are, and I had no wish to find out at 7am in the morning.) I assume he flew off and lived happily ever after.
Cats: Two of my cats have been killed by saying hello to the cars on my road, and one broke her leg. Gave my girlfriend of the time (Her, should it be importent in court) a shock, if nothing else. The conversation we had later in the evening...
"Heya hun, how's stuff?"
"What, aside from being a panto cow, being shouted at by drama teachers, and a car hitting my cat?"
WINNER: Ducks
Shit
Ducks: I won't even count the number of times I've been camping with the Scouts (that was all in the past! Leave me alone!), where I've been dodging duck crap for half the time. That, and having all my matches/batteries/other things stolen by everyone else...
Cats: Cats either drop it in a tray full of clay, or make like a politician: bury it outside and hope it goes away. I could make a sweepingly bitchy remark about our Goverment, but we're not delving so low yet...
WINNER: Cats
Obedience
Ducks: My mother, on hearing about this update, decided to regale me with a tale about one of her patients, who lured a duck away from a road and back to a pond by putting its ducklings in a box and carrying them to a pond, duck in tow. Whether this is maternal instints, duckish obedience, or some other perverted thing, I can't be arsed to study. I'm a blogger, not a duckologist.
Cats: Everyone knows cats do what cats want. Even the cat lovers. Unless it involves a stroke or a warm lap, and then they will overstay the party.
WINNER: Ducks
Edibility
Ducks: There's nothing nicer than a duck on pizza from Cafe Uno. Delicious. Costs a fortune, however, and you can't really just pluck a duck off of the Misbourne and cook it up...
Cats: I've never eaten a cat, and Cod help me if I ever do...
WINNER: Draw (Is it good to be delicious? I don't know)
Noises
Ducks: While there is nothing funnier in the animal world than a good "quack", that is all you will get from a duck.
Cats: I don't suffer from caterwauling, mainly because my cat is spayed, and not after some well-hung tom every month. And while there is nothing quite so relaxing as a purring cat, the opposite can be said for a cat that hops onto your bed at three in the morning and meows at you. Especially when you're eight and its next doors cat...
WINNER: Draw (Ducks are funny, cats are extensive)
Famous Ducks/Cats
Ducks: Obviously, there's our long-suffering friend Donald Fauntleroy Duck, and his three nephews. Nothing special, otherwise. Hark! I hear a guest updater quitting in protest!
Cats: Quite simply, Garfield. And for those who missed my point, Garfield. Comic genius.
WINNER: Cats
There! That leaves it nice and inconclusive, so I can pretend to have resolved the arguement, and you can all carry on filling my forum with animal-related spam! Everyone wins!
Debates have been ranging across the forums (straying so close to spam I've been tempted to flex my moderati muscles) upon which common farmyard animal is better. This should hopefully resolve your barmy arguement for you...
Ducks Vs. Cats: The Great Showdown Update Thing
Getting Around
Ducks: Ducks can fly. That's a good way of summerising it. Flying > everything else. They can swim too! And they waddle, but magpies do it so much better.
Cats: Well, cats can jump proporionatly as high as a house or two and crawl through tiny holes. But that bird they're hunting can fly away, and its bad enough if they fall in the bath, let alone try swimming properly.
WINNER: Ducks
Strokiness
Ducks: While you can stroke ducks, and I suppose it would be an enjoyable experience were the crazy bird not trying to eat your fingers, you couldn't have a duck on your lap. It'd either fly off or poo on your evil villan's suit.
Cats: Cats were created to be stroked. If they're not enjoying it so much, they claw you. Or, in my case, leaving enough fur to fill a large pillow on your nice clean T-shirt.
WINNER: Cats. They're both quite nasty really, but cats are actually jointed right to sit on your lap...
On Roads
Ducks: One sunny day, I was riding my bike, and doing a paper-round, because that's how I made my drug money before I came to work in a chemist. Irony, they said. But anyway, I'm going down a road, co-incidently the road my house is on, and there's a duck sitting in the middle of it. I had to gently toe-punt the little bugger onto the pavement. (I don't know how vicious ducks are, and I had no wish to find out at 7am in the morning.) I assume he flew off and lived happily ever after.
Cats: Two of my cats have been killed by saying hello to the cars on my road, and one broke her leg. Gave my girlfriend of the time (Her, should it be importent in court) a shock, if nothing else. The conversation we had later in the evening...
"Heya hun, how's stuff?"
"What, aside from being a panto cow, being shouted at by drama teachers, and a car hitting my cat?"
WINNER: Ducks
Shit
Ducks: I won't even count the number of times I've been camping with the Scouts (that was all in the past! Leave me alone!), where I've been dodging duck crap for half the time. That, and having all my matches/batteries/other things stolen by everyone else...
Cats: Cats either drop it in a tray full of clay, or make like a politician: bury it outside and hope it goes away. I could make a sweepingly bitchy remark about our Goverment, but we're not delving so low yet...
WINNER: Cats
Obedience
Ducks: My mother, on hearing about this update, decided to regale me with a tale about one of her patients, who lured a duck away from a road and back to a pond by putting its ducklings in a box and carrying them to a pond, duck in tow. Whether this is maternal instints, duckish obedience, or some other perverted thing, I can't be arsed to study. I'm a blogger, not a duckologist.
Cats: Everyone knows cats do what cats want. Even the cat lovers. Unless it involves a stroke or a warm lap, and then they will overstay the party.
WINNER: Ducks
Edibility
Ducks: There's nothing nicer than a duck on pizza from Cafe Uno. Delicious. Costs a fortune, however, and you can't really just pluck a duck off of the Misbourne and cook it up...
Cats: I've never eaten a cat, and Cod help me if I ever do...
WINNER: Draw (Is it good to be delicious? I don't know)
Noises
Ducks: While there is nothing funnier in the animal world than a good "quack", that is all you will get from a duck.
Cats: I don't suffer from caterwauling, mainly because my cat is spayed, and not after some well-hung tom every month. And while there is nothing quite so relaxing as a purring cat, the opposite can be said for a cat that hops onto your bed at three in the morning and meows at you. Especially when you're eight and its next doors cat...
WINNER: Draw (Ducks are funny, cats are extensive)
Famous Ducks/Cats
Ducks: Obviously, there's our long-suffering friend Donald Fauntleroy Duck, and his three nephews. Nothing special, otherwise. Hark! I hear a guest updater quitting in protest!
Cats: Quite simply, Garfield. And for those who missed my point, Garfield. Comic genius.
WINNER: Cats
There! That leaves it nice and inconclusive, so I can pretend to have resolved the arguement, and you can all carry on filling my forum with animal-related spam! Everyone wins!
