Thursday, May 20
Becoming a Schizo
Have I ever explained the Chyld Principle of Insanity? Basically, everyone I encounter is, by default, certifiably mad. I'll look into it properly one day. For now, Supermarct makes his bid to prove it, since no one else sent me anything...
How to become a schizoprhenic? Meet my gang:
Vakman (Handyman): is tall and sings a lot, besides that he is crazier than yours truly. To give you an example, one day we bought a necklace on the market with the word ‘sperm’ on it. We thought it would be funny if a girl would ask: “Hey, wants on the necklace?” and we would answer: “it’s the name of my girlfriend.” Then the reader would ask “Sperm?” and we would wet our pants because of the laughing. Besides this we would want to know of the necklace-salesman would be crazy enough to actually make us a sperm-necklace (Wow! That sounds filthier than expected). Oh Myself! This guy is going to be a father soon…
Bacarie-Cola (Coke): his real name is Arjen, a long time ago we change it into Arie. No one actually knows why, but we are a gang who does a lot of things without any purpose. The name soon changed into Bacarie-coke because he always drinks Bacardi Coke. Oh help! The worst semi-joke ever. Anyway, he is also quite tall (Now, I’m writing this I try to figure out why I only have tall friends. I myself I’m tiny and that’s why Jess would be a great girl for me…). I can actually talk a whole night with this goon and another one and the third person wouldn’t have a clue where we talked about. We have a specific kind of humour which no one understands, mainly the jokes are that bad that the are just un-understandable. We once went to a club and pretended that I was a Russian guy and we made it quite believable. Somehow girls like to talk to foreign people. After a few weeks we were wasted ourselves at a bar again sprouting bullshit as usual when I felt a tad on my back. “Yes my dear?” I said and realised it was the same girl again. “Hey? You can speak Dutch?” Even though I’m a smooth talker even I couldn’t save my sorry ass and I never talked to the girl again.
We even plan a radio show on the local radio station together. But we still have to make a demo tape. One day! Mark my words… One day!
Dickey S.: sounds like a porn-criminal. But the reason of his lame nickname is that this guy is pretty boring. The only thing he talks about is football. I don’t believe he ever had a girl which is pretty pathetic if you reached the age of twenty-two. So, there isn’t anything to say about him actually. We did have quite some adventures though, I’ll tell you the best. Every year we have a local party through our entire city with bands (well, people that make music). We went to the worst music group (I refuse to call it a band) ever and we started shouting they were the worse thing ever, which wasn’t a lie at all. After a while the singer of the band leaned to us and asked us to leave or be quiet. Did we shut up? Nope. Did we leave? Nope. All the joy of the band left and after a while he got so pissed at us that he said: “If you think you can do it better, go ahead!” Well, I don’t think he ever said something this stupid. We climbed the stage, I grabbed the bass and Dickey grabbed the normal guitar. And we started shouting obscene words in the microphone. It took around three minutes when the security kicked us off the stage…
Bambi: is our very own country defender. His name means to us something like a sissy John Rambo. He doesn’t really belong to our gang, but he just follows us around and as long as he buys us beers we won’t tell him to get the fuck out of sight. He has a tattoo on his biceps, but on the inside of your arm the tattooing hurts the most. Our rough and tough warrior didn’t dare to complete is on the whole arm. Now he has a half-finished tattoo on his arm, sissy! But I did have quite an adventure with him too. At the time he had a girlfriend and some sinister dark figures had hit her. I was the only one around in the club he knew. So he asked me to come which is a pretty stupid thing to do. A) I can’t beat up a cockroach and B) with my big mouth we always end up with more thugs than we started with. Anyway, Bambi pointed the guy who hit his girl and I walked straight to him. I said “Can you please step out of your shoes, because I like to take a piss in them. Then at least your feet start to smell a bit better.” Before I finished my sentence I lay on the ground and felt someone kicking in my stomach. I somehow managed to grab his leg and pulled him on the ground. And even though he easily could kick my sorry ass he was scared because I did it and he left. And I was the hero of the gang for an hour.
Hoef (no translation possible): If I’m getting into an argument I’m always happy if my good friend Hoef is around. He is a 250 pounds skinhead. Somehow when he is around and don’t end up in troubles. One time we did end up being trouble when I had to yell something to an inhuman big goon. We were at a fancy fair and riding crash cars (the thing where you bump to other cars, capiche?). He wanted to hit us hard but when he missed us I shouted that you need brain to hit someone. When we ended our ride he pushed us in to the canal. But we were to drunk to actually notice. Hoef also is the guy who all the time ends up on stage when a strip act is held in our hometown club. One time he ended up sticky because the strip girls throw custard and jelly on him. He was so wasted Niels and I had to bring him home. When we arrived at his crib his mother was still awake… You’re quite a smooth talker to explain that one… I didn’t succeed.
With such friends, you want to spend as much time on your own as possible. But then I became lonely and needed some company. Luckily the voice came and I had a great time together...
Amen. Incidently, I've done the first ever Adventures of Henry Skull Comic, and if I feel like it, you can see it on Monday. Bye bye, boys and girls...
How to become a schizoprhenic? Meet my gang:
Vakman (Handyman): is tall and sings a lot, besides that he is crazier than yours truly. To give you an example, one day we bought a necklace on the market with the word ‘sperm’ on it. We thought it would be funny if a girl would ask: “Hey, wants on the necklace?” and we would answer: “it’s the name of my girlfriend.” Then the reader would ask “Sperm?” and we would wet our pants because of the laughing. Besides this we would want to know of the necklace-salesman would be crazy enough to actually make us a sperm-necklace (Wow! That sounds filthier than expected). Oh Myself! This guy is going to be a father soon…
Bacarie-Cola (Coke): his real name is Arjen, a long time ago we change it into Arie. No one actually knows why, but we are a gang who does a lot of things without any purpose. The name soon changed into Bacarie-coke because he always drinks Bacardi Coke. Oh help! The worst semi-joke ever. Anyway, he is also quite tall (Now, I’m writing this I try to figure out why I only have tall friends. I myself I’m tiny and that’s why Jess would be a great girl for me…). I can actually talk a whole night with this goon and another one and the third person wouldn’t have a clue where we talked about. We have a specific kind of humour which no one understands, mainly the jokes are that bad that the are just un-understandable. We once went to a club and pretended that I was a Russian guy and we made it quite believable. Somehow girls like to talk to foreign people. After a few weeks we were wasted ourselves at a bar again sprouting bullshit as usual when I felt a tad on my back. “Yes my dear?” I said and realised it was the same girl again. “Hey? You can speak Dutch?” Even though I’m a smooth talker even I couldn’t save my sorry ass and I never talked to the girl again.
We even plan a radio show on the local radio station together. But we still have to make a demo tape. One day! Mark my words… One day!
Dickey S.: sounds like a porn-criminal. But the reason of his lame nickname is that this guy is pretty boring. The only thing he talks about is football. I don’t believe he ever had a girl which is pretty pathetic if you reached the age of twenty-two. So, there isn’t anything to say about him actually. We did have quite some adventures though, I’ll tell you the best. Every year we have a local party through our entire city with bands (well, people that make music). We went to the worst music group (I refuse to call it a band) ever and we started shouting they were the worse thing ever, which wasn’t a lie at all. After a while the singer of the band leaned to us and asked us to leave or be quiet. Did we shut up? Nope. Did we leave? Nope. All the joy of the band left and after a while he got so pissed at us that he said: “If you think you can do it better, go ahead!” Well, I don’t think he ever said something this stupid. We climbed the stage, I grabbed the bass and Dickey grabbed the normal guitar. And we started shouting obscene words in the microphone. It took around three minutes when the security kicked us off the stage…
Bambi: is our very own country defender. His name means to us something like a sissy John Rambo. He doesn’t really belong to our gang, but he just follows us around and as long as he buys us beers we won’t tell him to get the fuck out of sight. He has a tattoo on his biceps, but on the inside of your arm the tattooing hurts the most. Our rough and tough warrior didn’t dare to complete is on the whole arm. Now he has a half-finished tattoo on his arm, sissy! But I did have quite an adventure with him too. At the time he had a girlfriend and some sinister dark figures had hit her. I was the only one around in the club he knew. So he asked me to come which is a pretty stupid thing to do. A) I can’t beat up a cockroach and B) with my big mouth we always end up with more thugs than we started with. Anyway, Bambi pointed the guy who hit his girl and I walked straight to him. I said “Can you please step out of your shoes, because I like to take a piss in them. Then at least your feet start to smell a bit better.” Before I finished my sentence I lay on the ground and felt someone kicking in my stomach. I somehow managed to grab his leg and pulled him on the ground. And even though he easily could kick my sorry ass he was scared because I did it and he left. And I was the hero of the gang for an hour.
Hoef (no translation possible): If I’m getting into an argument I’m always happy if my good friend Hoef is around. He is a 250 pounds skinhead. Somehow when he is around and don’t end up in troubles. One time we did end up being trouble when I had to yell something to an inhuman big goon. We were at a fancy fair and riding crash cars (the thing where you bump to other cars, capiche?). He wanted to hit us hard but when he missed us I shouted that you need brain to hit someone. When we ended our ride he pushed us in to the canal. But we were to drunk to actually notice. Hoef also is the guy who all the time ends up on stage when a strip act is held in our hometown club. One time he ended up sticky because the strip girls throw custard and jelly on him. He was so wasted Niels and I had to bring him home. When we arrived at his crib his mother was still awake… You’re quite a smooth talker to explain that one… I didn’t succeed.
With such friends, you want to spend as much time on your own as possible. But then I became lonely and needed some company. Luckily the voice came and I had a great time together...
Amen. Incidently, I've done the first ever Adventures of Henry Skull Comic, and if I feel like it, you can see it on Monday. Bye bye, boys and girls...
