Monday, May 24
A Mask of Innocence
Right, few things to clear up before we begin today's ramble, then we can clear up the other few things.
My latest mad invention is The Adventures of Henry Skull, my webcomic. It's not existing yet, but I shall release it next week once I have finished the prelimiary weeks-worth of comics. For all of next week, you'll only get half updates, as releasing a comic a day is quite enough for anyone. Thereafter, you'll be getting one to two comics a week in addition to the regular cycle of updates. Lovely.
So, I spent four and a half hours in what amounts to be a cupboard today, editing my video for Media Studies. Like I said a couple of weeks back, its an alternative video for Psychosis Safari, with completeness drinking lots of whiskey and having flashbacks/hallucinations. And very weird it is too. If I can work out how to, I'll upload it onto my laptop, and whack it up as an update. If anyone can tell me how to get a regular video cassette to turn into a video file, you know my e-mail address.
Right, the meat and potatoes of today's update, the first reference to anything vaguely contemporary.
Slipknot released their new album today, and I bought it.
There's quite a lot of update material I can get out of this fact. I can do my first ever online review, I can ridicule the close-mindedness of the populace, I can talk about my precognative dreams. We'll do that in reverse order, while I listen to the album. That gives me an hour and 17 seconds then.
1.) Dreams
I've told you all before that I have dreams, and they come true. So the big daddy was one I had about this album. I dreamt that I was reading a review of it in Kerrang! magazine, that it was called "Faces", and featured a picture of the entire band on the cover. The same picture was used in the review. I think it got 3/5, but it could easily have been 5/5.
I knew that if I dreamt this right, I should hand myself in for examining. See The Future Boy, they would say, he knew. I would be locked in a cage, and prodded with sticks, until I worked out next weeks Lottery numbers.
However, it would appear I am safe from prodding sticks. Just.
First of all, they decided to call it "Volume 3: The Subliminal Verses". However, there is a face on the cover. Admittedly, its a mask, but give me some points, will you? Obviously, this disproves the other part of my dream.
However, the review did contain a picture of the band, and did get 5/5. But since they changed the layout since my dream, I don't lose too many points on that account.
In conclusion, don't expect me to pick your lottery numbers for you
2.) Ignorance
"Why are you buying that shit?" asked Tadpole, as I emerged from the CD shop, my shiny new CD clutched in my hands. And this is a summary of the mainstream view of Slipknot.
I actually looked at the Daily Mail's website (an experience comparable to being violated by a wood rasp, I assure you), but couldn't find any reference to how they printed an article blaming the best thing to come out of Iowa for inspiring the German Hereford School Shootings. Apparently, it was a song entitled "School Wars" telling the listener to "spank your naughty teachers with a hand gun." Utter bollocks, for the obvious reason that said song doesn't exist. And writing about schools is like writing about bunnies - a waste of guitar strings.
Many see the boiler suits and masks, and think "Gimmick." Shut up. That's the point. By taking away the identities and individualities of the members, you're supposed to focus on the music.
Then we have the "Wood For The Trees" party, who seem to hear nothing but screaming. Well really, these are the people that listen to Drowning Pool and Disturbed, and claim that Avril Lavigne has any measure of musical talent at all. Think about this for a moment. The woman makes me sick.
Then there's those who wouldn't touch a metal band for a million pounds, let alone a good one. Death is too good, for there is no converting these people...
In short, open your mind and shut your mouth. Here's why.
3.) Review
Well, we all know why Slipknot are famous now, don't we? Nine angry Iowans assaulting their instruments and making the most delightful din in the universe. So when the intro contains melody, you know you're in for something special.
Typically, a Slipknot album is defined by "Bizarre electronic opening with edited vocals, followed by the heaviest song on the album, closing with a slow burning epic." The Subliminal Verses seems out to set that aside. The intro, "Prelude 3.0", is a slow burner, at 3 minutes, with Corey telling us "now it's over" repeatedly. No sampling, no rabbits saying that anything is sick. Think "Gently".
No suprises with the next track though, as "The Blister Exists" is another bastard-heavy metal stomper. It does feature an odd snare drum solo in the middle, however.
Vocally, this album hearks back to "Slipknot" itself. We all know that Corey is the perfect frontman, able to scream, holler, roar, sing, rap, croon, and any other vocal style. We see this in "Three Nil", which features a riff the size of a house, and shouting that'd turn a mans lungs inside out. After that, returning from being stuck on repeat on my laptop for months, is the single "Duality", which is quite catchy enough to perhaps lure in the heavier-inclined of my Slipknot-hating posse, while still being as heavy as a large elephant wearing a divers suit.
Then, five seconds of proper guitar widdling greets us for the opening of "Opium of the People", which seems like the bastard child of "Eyeless" and "My Plague", with said guitar fiddling instead of Viagra. By this point, the sex metaphor had run out, which is probably good, considering we're talking about a band who used to keep a dead crow for the audience to snort. We like the singing here.
Then, we get a shock. An acoustic guitar. Corey crooning. Orchestral strings. What happened, did Corey leave the tap on after he recorded "Bother" for Stone Sour? To be fair, its a good song, a very good song, but... let's put it this way. Imagine Picasso painting an amazing landscape scene. No matter how beautiful it is, it's not what you want from Picasso. Admittedly, it does turn on the drums in the last thirty seconds, but still.
Still, its a good song. Just unexpected.
"Welcome" returns us to what we paid £12 for, double bass pedals, machine gun rapping/shouting, and guitars that would rip a house down. Echoes of "Sic", you could say, but with more of the earlier guitar widdling. Scrap that, practically a solo. That's new too.
This is followed by "Vermillion", a faster version of "Gently", and an angst song about a girl. Not a theme they usually touch on. More melodic singing too. I'm quite sure if I paid this album to my friends, they'd like it. After I beat them with a cattle prod. Ho ho ho, because violence is funny. Just in case you were getting worried, we have "Pulse of the Maggots", your typical 'knot pattern stomper. With added widdles and soloism! Honestly, all we need is a change of bassist every other decade, and some sideburns, and we have Metallica In Boiler Suits.
"Before I Forget" is another melodic/shouty song, and I'm sure I heard a piano amongst the guitars. Then "Vermillion, Mk. 2" comes in with the acoustic guitar anmd crooning again. They certainly are broadening their horizons. However, the latter song is a facsimile of how I feel about a certain girl, so we'll let it off with another raised eyebrow.
"The Nameless" uses the same principle as ice cubes on nipples. Yummy, nipples. Need sex...
Sorry, side tracked. Damn hormones.
The point was, that it alternates from your typical shouty Slipknot masterpiece, to gentle strings and singing in between. And like ice cubes to the nipples, the cold and quiet moments heighten the hot and noisy ones. Its quite nice. Perhaps unlike frozen nipples.
See, I thought I could work more sex into this review.
However, shock horror - there is no gigantic outro.
We have "The Virus of Life", which is like "Scissors", only a bit noisier, and three minutes shorter, and "Danger - Keep Away", which is slow and melodic, and has a drum beat I could do one handed. But damnit, we want our long and pointless closing song! "Iowa" people, "Iowa"!
With the benefit of having heard the entire album, we can now say "Expect Nothing". Yes, the bastard heavy songs are as bastard heavy and cool as you'd expect Slipknot songs to be. But hit singles and To My Suprise have opened chinks in the boiler suits. There are melodic songs. If you're prepared to like them, its a audial delight. To those just after a heavy metal fix, get out "Iowa" again.
If you wanted a score out of anything, you'll be sorely disappointed. Just buy it, damn you!
Now, you can see how bad I am at reviewing things. Just wait until you see my 10 Favourite Songs Of All Time list. Your eyeballs will bleed in embarrassment...
My latest mad invention is The Adventures of Henry Skull, my webcomic. It's not existing yet, but I shall release it next week once I have finished the prelimiary weeks-worth of comics. For all of next week, you'll only get half updates, as releasing a comic a day is quite enough for anyone. Thereafter, you'll be getting one to two comics a week in addition to the regular cycle of updates. Lovely.
So, I spent four and a half hours in what amounts to be a cupboard today, editing my video for Media Studies. Like I said a couple of weeks back, its an alternative video for Psychosis Safari, with completeness drinking lots of whiskey and having flashbacks/hallucinations. And very weird it is too. If I can work out how to, I'll upload it onto my laptop, and whack it up as an update. If anyone can tell me how to get a regular video cassette to turn into a video file, you know my e-mail address.
Right, the meat and potatoes of today's update, the first reference to anything vaguely contemporary.
Slipknot released their new album today, and I bought it.
There's quite a lot of update material I can get out of this fact. I can do my first ever online review, I can ridicule the close-mindedness of the populace, I can talk about my precognative dreams. We'll do that in reverse order, while I listen to the album. That gives me an hour and 17 seconds then.
1.) Dreams
I've told you all before that I have dreams, and they come true. So the big daddy was one I had about this album. I dreamt that I was reading a review of it in Kerrang! magazine, that it was called "Faces", and featured a picture of the entire band on the cover. The same picture was used in the review. I think it got 3/5, but it could easily have been 5/5.
I knew that if I dreamt this right, I should hand myself in for examining. See The Future Boy, they would say, he knew. I would be locked in a cage, and prodded with sticks, until I worked out next weeks Lottery numbers.
However, it would appear I am safe from prodding sticks. Just.
First of all, they decided to call it "Volume 3: The Subliminal Verses". However, there is a face on the cover. Admittedly, its a mask, but give me some points, will you? Obviously, this disproves the other part of my dream.
However, the review did contain a picture of the band, and did get 5/5. But since they changed the layout since my dream, I don't lose too many points on that account.
In conclusion, don't expect me to pick your lottery numbers for you
2.) Ignorance
"Why are you buying that shit?" asked Tadpole, as I emerged from the CD shop, my shiny new CD clutched in my hands. And this is a summary of the mainstream view of Slipknot.
I actually looked at the Daily Mail's website (an experience comparable to being violated by a wood rasp, I assure you), but couldn't find any reference to how they printed an article blaming the best thing to come out of Iowa for inspiring the German Hereford School Shootings. Apparently, it was a song entitled "School Wars" telling the listener to "spank your naughty teachers with a hand gun." Utter bollocks, for the obvious reason that said song doesn't exist. And writing about schools is like writing about bunnies - a waste of guitar strings.
Many see the boiler suits and masks, and think "Gimmick." Shut up. That's the point. By taking away the identities and individualities of the members, you're supposed to focus on the music.
Then we have the "Wood For The Trees" party, who seem to hear nothing but screaming. Well really, these are the people that listen to Drowning Pool and Disturbed, and claim that Avril Lavigne has any measure of musical talent at all. Think about this for a moment. The woman makes me sick.
Then there's those who wouldn't touch a metal band for a million pounds, let alone a good one. Death is too good, for there is no converting these people...
In short, open your mind and shut your mouth. Here's why.
3.) Review
Well, we all know why Slipknot are famous now, don't we? Nine angry Iowans assaulting their instruments and making the most delightful din in the universe. So when the intro contains melody, you know you're in for something special.
Typically, a Slipknot album is defined by "Bizarre electronic opening with edited vocals, followed by the heaviest song on the album, closing with a slow burning epic." The Subliminal Verses seems out to set that aside. The intro, "Prelude 3.0", is a slow burner, at 3 minutes, with Corey telling us "now it's over" repeatedly. No sampling, no rabbits saying that anything is sick. Think "Gently".
No suprises with the next track though, as "The Blister Exists" is another bastard-heavy metal stomper. It does feature an odd snare drum solo in the middle, however.
Vocally, this album hearks back to "Slipknot" itself. We all know that Corey is the perfect frontman, able to scream, holler, roar, sing, rap, croon, and any other vocal style. We see this in "Three Nil", which features a riff the size of a house, and shouting that'd turn a mans lungs inside out. After that, returning from being stuck on repeat on my laptop for months, is the single "Duality", which is quite catchy enough to perhaps lure in the heavier-inclined of my Slipknot-hating posse, while still being as heavy as a large elephant wearing a divers suit.
Then, five seconds of proper guitar widdling greets us for the opening of "Opium of the People", which seems like the bastard child of "Eyeless" and "My Plague", with said guitar fiddling instead of Viagra. By this point, the sex metaphor had run out, which is probably good, considering we're talking about a band who used to keep a dead crow for the audience to snort. We like the singing here.
Then, we get a shock. An acoustic guitar. Corey crooning. Orchestral strings. What happened, did Corey leave the tap on after he recorded "Bother" for Stone Sour? To be fair, its a good song, a very good song, but... let's put it this way. Imagine Picasso painting an amazing landscape scene. No matter how beautiful it is, it's not what you want from Picasso. Admittedly, it does turn on the drums in the last thirty seconds, but still.
Still, its a good song. Just unexpected.
"Welcome" returns us to what we paid £12 for, double bass pedals, machine gun rapping/shouting, and guitars that would rip a house down. Echoes of "Sic", you could say, but with more of the earlier guitar widdling. Scrap that, practically a solo. That's new too.
This is followed by "Vermillion", a faster version of "Gently", and an angst song about a girl. Not a theme they usually touch on. More melodic singing too. I'm quite sure if I paid this album to my friends, they'd like it. After I beat them with a cattle prod. Ho ho ho, because violence is funny. Just in case you were getting worried, we have "Pulse of the Maggots", your typical 'knot pattern stomper. With added widdles and soloism! Honestly, all we need is a change of bassist every other decade, and some sideburns, and we have Metallica In Boiler Suits.
"Before I Forget" is another melodic/shouty song, and I'm sure I heard a piano amongst the guitars. Then "Vermillion, Mk. 2" comes in with the acoustic guitar anmd crooning again. They certainly are broadening their horizons. However, the latter song is a facsimile of how I feel about a certain girl, so we'll let it off with another raised eyebrow.
"The Nameless" uses the same principle as ice cubes on nipples. Yummy, nipples. Need sex...
Sorry, side tracked. Damn hormones.
The point was, that it alternates from your typical shouty Slipknot masterpiece, to gentle strings and singing in between. And like ice cubes to the nipples, the cold and quiet moments heighten the hot and noisy ones. Its quite nice. Perhaps unlike frozen nipples.
See, I thought I could work more sex into this review.
However, shock horror - there is no gigantic outro.
We have "The Virus of Life", which is like "Scissors", only a bit noisier, and three minutes shorter, and "Danger - Keep Away", which is slow and melodic, and has a drum beat I could do one handed. But damnit, we want our long and pointless closing song! "Iowa" people, "Iowa"!
With the benefit of having heard the entire album, we can now say "Expect Nothing". Yes, the bastard heavy songs are as bastard heavy and cool as you'd expect Slipknot songs to be. But hit singles and To My Suprise have opened chinks in the boiler suits. There are melodic songs. If you're prepared to like them, its a audial delight. To those just after a heavy metal fix, get out "Iowa" again.
If you wanted a score out of anything, you'll be sorely disappointed. Just buy it, damn you!
Now, you can see how bad I am at reviewing things. Just wait until you see my 10 Favourite Songs Of All Time list. Your eyeballs will bleed in embarrassment...
