Monday, September 20
Freshers Week Diaries: Part One
Right, no ones been waiting for them, but they're here anyway. Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present the Grand Premiere of...
Chylds Freshers Week Diaries
(aka, Beer and No Clothing in the East Riding of Yorkshire)
Saturday 11th
4:25pm
So, I'm here. No sign of the internet for a while though. I haven't found where to put my cutlery, bugger actually setting up network cards and all that crap.
There's shitloads more to say, but I've got five minutes in which to pack...
7:04pm
Right, there's time between now and "getting drunk time" to rattle up some bollocks for the masses.
Partly, my fears have come true. MY room mate is not a dyed in the wool metaller, but neither is he your Reebok-wearing gangsta numbskull, which is good. I think we'll be able to go more than three months without trying to knife each other in the back, as long as I don't end up getting stoned in our room.
Gotta move, we're going early...
Sunday 12th
11:13am
Just woken up, I think. Blimey.
Yesterday was a bit interesting - I think I've majorly miscalculated my finances, so until my student loan arrives, I've got about £2 to last off of. And I seem to have discovered that it ain't coming until about Friday, so it seems I'm a bit fucked...
But first night seemed to involve drinking as much as one could afford (thank god for my saavy new crew, or I'd have left sober), dancing badly, and not getting anywhere with any women. On the bright side, we did try to walk home, got lost, and explored Cottingham.
I've got nothing to do today, apart from wander round and meet people. I'll start by having a shower, methinx...
12:05pm
Fuck me, those showers are cold. All the delightful memories of the barge holiday, minus accses to a fine and horny woman called "my girlfriend".
Just had breakfast, a notion only notable in that its not at home, and I had to wash up my shit after having used it.
I need to phone the folks, I need money to not stay sober on...
6:05pm
Its been a relativly busy day today. Went into Hull, had a look around, and ate at Pizza Hut. We came back, and we've been bored ever since.
The money problem's sorted - Ma Jennings has stuck about £50 in my account, which I can get to from lunchtime tomorrow. Which only leaves getting the bus to the campus tomorrow - with a quid, possible - and this evenings socialising - and some damn fine chicas downstairs are having a gathering there later, which we've been invited to. I should be popular, what with all the whiskey. I'm kicking myself that I forgot the bottle of Strongbow bequeathed to me by AmyJay.
Tomorrow, I can get this damned thing hooked up to the Internet. Which'll be good. In the meanwhile, I need a shit...
7:46pm
God, I'm fucking bored...
The women aren't anywhere in sight, we've got nothing to do.
1:02am
In the middle of what amounts to be a respectably large party. I am on the top floor, therefore I am part of the Penthouse Massive. My crew expands to have a name! I've now become Jag, (crossref: Rolling Stones) the legend of the Penthouse Crew. World Conquest one step further...
I can't stay, we've just finished messing around with camera phones (sounds of SuperMarct gnawing his phoneline) and USB ports, so its time to get back to actual socialising...
1:38pm
...and the first meeting of the Penthouse Massive (feat. Jagg) has abdicated for the evening. Now I'm going to eat food, type random bollocks, and listen to The Prodigy. G'night y'all...
2:02am
OK, so I've done another Henry Skull comic. Productive? Oui. Well rested? Do I need to be?
Monday 13th
1:40pm
Absolutly nothing has gone right so far today, and here's why.
-"DO NOT MISS IMPORTENT MEETING AT 10:15 THIS MORNING OR ELSE!!" declared the importent letter from the Philosophy Department. Somehow, I managed to read this as "10:45", and set my alarm for 10. I didn't even get up then, oversleeping until 10:20, looking at my timetable, and collapsing in a panic. Thankfully, I got there just before it finished, got the nessersary paperwork, and decided to get a drink. First of all, a trip to the cash machine to get out the money the parents had left there...
-Then the cash machine ate my fucking card. I assume its something to do with the new account, but I stuck it in to get the money, and it told me "This Card Has Been Detained". Fucking great. Now instead of having £1.50 and a student loan on Friday, I've got 40p and no way to get any more money at all. I'm going to have to ask somebody for some, but I can't see it happening.
-I haven't eaten anything but a handful of Cheerios since 3pm yesterday, and I don't really care. It must be the Dutchman in me.
-I need to go into town now, and pray to any deity that has existed, will existed and will one day exist, that I can get out some money using my chequebook.
-Fuck, I'm thirsty.
7:10pm
Well, it all got a bit better after that. In the last six and a half hours, I...
-Had three glasses of juice.
-Also had a Pot Noodle
-Got on my bike at 3:15 and went into Hull.
-Asked half a dozen people where the Woolwich bank was.
-Found it by accident.
-Managed to get out £50.
-Stopped back at the uni to get my NUS card.
-Go told I was too late to get it.
-Got a Grim Reaper poster.
-Went back, and got dinner with the Penthouse Crew.
-Came back here.
In a bit, we're off to a club. The ladies are dressing up nice, the lads (metallers mostly) are just going in jeans and T-shirts.
Time to stop being a recluse and talk to people...
Y'know, its ironic that I'm doing Philosophy, and I get my own ivory tower to ruminate in...
12:39am
Y'know, it seems my bad luck keeps fucking going on and on man. Once again, it seems the heart of Chyld is being stomped on by the womem he likes. I'd say more, but its all I can do not to bite a wodge out of the shelf and throw up everywhere.
Other than that, its all beeen fun until about midnight. At that point, Cinderella didn't leave the party, she got whisked off her feet by some random bloke while Prince Charming looked on and wondered how he managed it.
Am I making sense? Cos I don't think I am.
Incidently, three shots of vodka and a VK in The Mission pub is a combination that'll get anyone slaughtered after one pint. And Snakebite! Duck has been telling its virtues for months, and I've only just tried it, and fuck its nice!
Time to be sociable again. Or a whiny, lovelorn piece of shit. Both are fitting titles at the moment...
3:09am
What the sodding hell am I still doing awake NOW, of all hours? Not even the most legendary blazes with the lads lasted this long, and I'm still here listening to assorted remixes, re-reading "Mostly Harmless", and massaging my poor bruised ego. I'm even sobering up, for fucks sake! That ain't supposed to happen.
Tuesday 14th
10:02am
Oh, my fucking head...
7:10pm
Oh, my fucking arse...
I've been on campus all fucking day, and Im whacked. My day after that last entry followed as such...
-Had a shower.
-Hopped on the bike.
-Only just made it in time for the thing I had to be in for.
-Wandered round with the girl I spectacularly failed to get with last night, looking at stands giving out free stuff.
-Attended a boring waffly meeting.
-Went and had lunch at Subway. Fucking lush.
-Went back to register with the uni.
Two and a half hours later, I had finally got through the queue, and then...
-Started to cycle home.
-Picked up eight cans of cider for a fiver.
-Got back.
-Had dinner.
And now I'm being hassled to go out...
10:18PM
Yep, we went off to the pub to see Arsenal vs Fuck-No-Who in the pub down the road. Importent announcement:
Five Shots of Apple Sourz For A Fiver In The Cross Keys!
This fact is so importent, it deserves a paragraph in its own right.
Then we got back, and me and The Resident Stoner From Block A went off and smoked The Last of The Summer Weed. And now I'm stoned. And everyones swarming around and reading me talking bollocks, and commenting as such. Oh wibbles.
Incidently, I can now make a mean Snakebite...
Next time: Sleeping alongside women, trouncings at 40k, and eight differnt shots in one glass...
Chylds Freshers Week Diaries
(aka, Beer and No Clothing in the East Riding of Yorkshire)
Saturday 11th
4:25pm
So, I'm here. No sign of the internet for a while though. I haven't found where to put my cutlery, bugger actually setting up network cards and all that crap.
There's shitloads more to say, but I've got five minutes in which to pack...
7:04pm
Right, there's time between now and "getting drunk time" to rattle up some bollocks for the masses.
Partly, my fears have come true. MY room mate is not a dyed in the wool metaller, but neither is he your Reebok-wearing gangsta numbskull, which is good. I think we'll be able to go more than three months without trying to knife each other in the back, as long as I don't end up getting stoned in our room.
Gotta move, we're going early...
Sunday 12th
11:13am
Just woken up, I think. Blimey.
Yesterday was a bit interesting - I think I've majorly miscalculated my finances, so until my student loan arrives, I've got about £2 to last off of. And I seem to have discovered that it ain't coming until about Friday, so it seems I'm a bit fucked...
But first night seemed to involve drinking as much as one could afford (thank god for my saavy new crew, or I'd have left sober), dancing badly, and not getting anywhere with any women. On the bright side, we did try to walk home, got lost, and explored Cottingham.
I've got nothing to do today, apart from wander round and meet people. I'll start by having a shower, methinx...
12:05pm
Fuck me, those showers are cold. All the delightful memories of the barge holiday, minus accses to a fine and horny woman called "my girlfriend".
Just had breakfast, a notion only notable in that its not at home, and I had to wash up my shit after having used it.
I need to phone the folks, I need money to not stay sober on...
6:05pm
Its been a relativly busy day today. Went into Hull, had a look around, and ate at Pizza Hut. We came back, and we've been bored ever since.
The money problem's sorted - Ma Jennings has stuck about £50 in my account, which I can get to from lunchtime tomorrow. Which only leaves getting the bus to the campus tomorrow - with a quid, possible - and this evenings socialising - and some damn fine chicas downstairs are having a gathering there later, which we've been invited to. I should be popular, what with all the whiskey. I'm kicking myself that I forgot the bottle of Strongbow bequeathed to me by AmyJay.
Tomorrow, I can get this damned thing hooked up to the Internet. Which'll be good. In the meanwhile, I need a shit...
7:46pm
God, I'm fucking bored...
The women aren't anywhere in sight, we've got nothing to do.
1:02am
In the middle of what amounts to be a respectably large party. I am on the top floor, therefore I am part of the Penthouse Massive. My crew expands to have a name! I've now become Jag, (crossref: Rolling Stones) the legend of the Penthouse Crew. World Conquest one step further...
I can't stay, we've just finished messing around with camera phones (sounds of SuperMarct gnawing his phoneline) and USB ports, so its time to get back to actual socialising...
1:38pm
...and the first meeting of the Penthouse Massive (feat. Jagg) has abdicated for the evening. Now I'm going to eat food, type random bollocks, and listen to The Prodigy. G'night y'all...
2:02am
OK, so I've done another Henry Skull comic. Productive? Oui. Well rested? Do I need to be?
Monday 13th
1:40pm
Absolutly nothing has gone right so far today, and here's why.
-"DO NOT MISS IMPORTENT MEETING AT 10:15 THIS MORNING OR ELSE!!" declared the importent letter from the Philosophy Department. Somehow, I managed to read this as "10:45", and set my alarm for 10. I didn't even get up then, oversleeping until 10:20, looking at my timetable, and collapsing in a panic. Thankfully, I got there just before it finished, got the nessersary paperwork, and decided to get a drink. First of all, a trip to the cash machine to get out the money the parents had left there...
-Then the cash machine ate my fucking card. I assume its something to do with the new account, but I stuck it in to get the money, and it told me "This Card Has Been Detained". Fucking great. Now instead of having £1.50 and a student loan on Friday, I've got 40p and no way to get any more money at all. I'm going to have to ask somebody for some, but I can't see it happening.
-I haven't eaten anything but a handful of Cheerios since 3pm yesterday, and I don't really care. It must be the Dutchman in me.
-I need to go into town now, and pray to any deity that has existed, will existed and will one day exist, that I can get out some money using my chequebook.
-Fuck, I'm thirsty.
7:10pm
Well, it all got a bit better after that. In the last six and a half hours, I...
-Had three glasses of juice.
-Also had a Pot Noodle
-Got on my bike at 3:15 and went into Hull.
-Asked half a dozen people where the Woolwich bank was.
-Found it by accident.
-Managed to get out £50.
-Stopped back at the uni to get my NUS card.
-Go told I was too late to get it.
-Got a Grim Reaper poster.
-Went back, and got dinner with the Penthouse Crew.
-Came back here.
In a bit, we're off to a club. The ladies are dressing up nice, the lads (metallers mostly) are just going in jeans and T-shirts.
Time to stop being a recluse and talk to people...
Y'know, its ironic that I'm doing Philosophy, and I get my own ivory tower to ruminate in...
12:39am
Y'know, it seems my bad luck keeps fucking going on and on man. Once again, it seems the heart of Chyld is being stomped on by the womem he likes. I'd say more, but its all I can do not to bite a wodge out of the shelf and throw up everywhere.
Other than that, its all beeen fun until about midnight. At that point, Cinderella didn't leave the party, she got whisked off her feet by some random bloke while Prince Charming looked on and wondered how he managed it.
Am I making sense? Cos I don't think I am.
Incidently, three shots of vodka and a VK in The Mission pub is a combination that'll get anyone slaughtered after one pint. And Snakebite! Duck has been telling its virtues for months, and I've only just tried it, and fuck its nice!
Time to be sociable again. Or a whiny, lovelorn piece of shit. Both are fitting titles at the moment...
3:09am
What the sodding hell am I still doing awake NOW, of all hours? Not even the most legendary blazes with the lads lasted this long, and I'm still here listening to assorted remixes, re-reading "Mostly Harmless", and massaging my poor bruised ego. I'm even sobering up, for fucks sake! That ain't supposed to happen.
Tuesday 14th
10:02am
Oh, my fucking head...
7:10pm
Oh, my fucking arse...
I've been on campus all fucking day, and Im whacked. My day after that last entry followed as such...
-Had a shower.
-Hopped on the bike.
-Only just made it in time for the thing I had to be in for.
-Wandered round with the girl I spectacularly failed to get with last night, looking at stands giving out free stuff.
-Attended a boring waffly meeting.
-Went and had lunch at Subway. Fucking lush.
-Went back to register with the uni.
Two and a half hours later, I had finally got through the queue, and then...
-Started to cycle home.
-Picked up eight cans of cider for a fiver.
-Got back.
-Had dinner.
And now I'm being hassled to go out...
10:18PM
Yep, we went off to the pub to see Arsenal vs Fuck-No-Who in the pub down the road. Importent announcement:
Five Shots of Apple Sourz For A Fiver In The Cross Keys!
This fact is so importent, it deserves a paragraph in its own right.
Then we got back, and me and The Resident Stoner From Block A went off and smoked The Last of The Summer Weed. And now I'm stoned. And everyones swarming around and reading me talking bollocks, and commenting as such. Oh wibbles.
Incidently, I can now make a mean Snakebite...
Next time: Sleeping alongside women, trouncings at 40k, and eight differnt shots in one glass...
