Friday, June 18
I Like Being Driven In My Car...
As I type, I am on an unknown motorway between Gordano serivce station and Amersham.
The Family Jennings returns from the funeral service of one of its First Ladies, and after yesterday's utterly wasted update, it does not feel appropriate to write about it. Suffice to say, it was a very nice service.
But that's not why I fired up the laptop, what will be "earlier" when I upload this, but "now" at the time of writing. There surely has to be something said for car journeys.
Every other holiday until recently, we have packed up our stuff, and crossed the country to visit the family in Devon, And roughly every year until recently, we have done the same, only crossing into the next country, the one full of frog-eaters and onions. Factor this out via means of me being eighteen venerable years old, and I would call myself a veritable expert on being a passenger during long car journeys.
Here, therefore, is my insights into being a non-fatal passanger in long car journeys.
Chyld's Insights Into Being A Non-fatal Passanger In Long Car Journeys.
1.) Never Sit Next To Little Brother.
I hate mankind. I've grown used to it, can smile at its nicest examples, get along with the humans I call friends, and can plot the gory end of my foes without actually doing it and getting arrested for it. However, annoying people are just that - annoying. I refused to be stuck in a car with someone annoying, it annoys me.
Little Brother, clever, dumb, or otherwise, is the most annoying human being in the Universe. Everything he says or does is calculated to ten significant figures to tick me off as much as humaly possible. Combine these two volitile elements withing a meter of each other for four-eight hours, and blood flows.
Therefore, by mutual agreement of everyone in the family, Big Brother sits in the middle of the car. I deplore not his presense, and LB enjoys the presense. Mother and Father are not driven to bloodlust by Chyld and Little Brother beating each other, and crashes are avoided.
2.) Bring a CD player. Or a laptop. Or thieve BB's.
3/5ths of the family are pop-loving cretins (although Father claims to have been in a band hat opened for Eric Clapton). 1/5th is partial pop-loving cretin, part pop-metaller/punk. 1/5th is writing this update. Right now, I am listening to Sepultura (quite 1337 enough for you, SM?), while the rest of the family is listening to... Brittany Spears. God Almighty! The values esposed by either Mrs Speared-on-penis, or God, will not be discussed here, I need Big Brother alive.
Therefore, I need me my CD player, in order to play the blissful sound of angry men screaming. Oh yeah, all my CD players are broken! Damn Woolworths/eBay crap.
Next option is my laptop. Either the CD drive can be plugged in, or one of the 20 saved albums on the hard drive can be brought to the fore. Perfect? Not with only 2 hours of battery!
When all else fails, Big Brother's Neva-Shok CD player can be borrowed for the purposes. Although the problem with that is thqat the pop-evilness needs expunging before I can use it, and the incense annoys Father, who is trying to drive.
3.) FEED ME!
Amy, K80, tiny1, and just about any other lady whos walked with me anywhere at any time will know what a gigantic appetite I pocess. Not just for food, though! There, contractual item of innuendo included for today...
Basically, I need feeding regularly, not too easy in a moving car. Traditionlly, Mother packs a large volume of eatables, but its usually crap. However, this time, it was proper edible munchy pastry/meaty gubbins. Considering that I was whacked off of my face on excellent skunk yesterday, this was much appreciated.
Such blessings aside, it is usually up to me to provide tasty goodness. Either buying it before, taking too much effort not to eat it right away, or buying it on the way, at usually a 1000% cost markup. Ghey.
4.) No Porn
Sounds odd? Yep. If I get horny now, its going to be very, very embaressing.
5.) Sleep
Well, is there much else to do? Eat tasty pies? Listen to Slipknot? Play Commander Keen again? When you're wasted in a car full of people you don't want to talk to, there's nothing else to do.
6.) Enjoy the scenery
OK, I'm tripping over my heels now.
If no one overly objects, I'd like to take a week off of writing updates next week, in order to muster new ideas, revise for my final exams, etc. If I come up with anything cool, I'll put it up.
Finally, a joke my little cousin told me. Both amusing and cringsome! Wahey!
"...and Jesus spake to John 'Come forth my son, and you shall have eternal life!' Unfortunatly, he came fifth, so he only won a toaster."
The Family Jennings returns from the funeral service of one of its First Ladies, and after yesterday's utterly wasted update, it does not feel appropriate to write about it. Suffice to say, it was a very nice service.
But that's not why I fired up the laptop, what will be "earlier" when I upload this, but "now" at the time of writing. There surely has to be something said for car journeys.
Every other holiday until recently, we have packed up our stuff, and crossed the country to visit the family in Devon, And roughly every year until recently, we have done the same, only crossing into the next country, the one full of frog-eaters and onions. Factor this out via means of me being eighteen venerable years old, and I would call myself a veritable expert on being a passenger during long car journeys.
Here, therefore, is my insights into being a non-fatal passanger in long car journeys.
Chyld's Insights Into Being A Non-fatal Passanger In Long Car Journeys.
1.) Never Sit Next To Little Brother.
I hate mankind. I've grown used to it, can smile at its nicest examples, get along with the humans I call friends, and can plot the gory end of my foes without actually doing it and getting arrested for it. However, annoying people are just that - annoying. I refused to be stuck in a car with someone annoying, it annoys me.
Little Brother, clever, dumb, or otherwise, is the most annoying human being in the Universe. Everything he says or does is calculated to ten significant figures to tick me off as much as humaly possible. Combine these two volitile elements withing a meter of each other for four-eight hours, and blood flows.
Therefore, by mutual agreement of everyone in the family, Big Brother sits in the middle of the car. I deplore not his presense, and LB enjoys the presense. Mother and Father are not driven to bloodlust by Chyld and Little Brother beating each other, and crashes are avoided.
2.) Bring a CD player. Or a laptop. Or thieve BB's.
3/5ths of the family are pop-loving cretins (although Father claims to have been in a band hat opened for Eric Clapton). 1/5th is partial pop-loving cretin, part pop-metaller/punk. 1/5th is writing this update. Right now, I am listening to Sepultura (quite 1337 enough for you, SM?), while the rest of the family is listening to... Brittany Spears. God Almighty! The values esposed by either Mrs Speared-on-penis, or God, will not be discussed here, I need Big Brother alive.
Therefore, I need me my CD player, in order to play the blissful sound of angry men screaming. Oh yeah, all my CD players are broken! Damn Woolworths/eBay crap.
Next option is my laptop. Either the CD drive can be plugged in, or one of the 20 saved albums on the hard drive can be brought to the fore. Perfect? Not with only 2 hours of battery!
When all else fails, Big Brother's Neva-Shok CD player can be borrowed for the purposes. Although the problem with that is thqat the pop-evilness needs expunging before I can use it, and the incense annoys Father, who is trying to drive.
3.) FEED ME!
Amy, K80, tiny1, and just about any other lady whos walked with me anywhere at any time will know what a gigantic appetite I pocess. Not just for food, though! There, contractual item of innuendo included for today...
Basically, I need feeding regularly, not too easy in a moving car. Traditionlly, Mother packs a large volume of eatables, but its usually crap. However, this time, it was proper edible munchy pastry/meaty gubbins. Considering that I was whacked off of my face on excellent skunk yesterday, this was much appreciated.
Such blessings aside, it is usually up to me to provide tasty goodness. Either buying it before, taking too much effort not to eat it right away, or buying it on the way, at usually a 1000% cost markup. Ghey.
4.) No Porn
Sounds odd? Yep. If I get horny now, its going to be very, very embaressing.
5.) Sleep
Well, is there much else to do? Eat tasty pies? Listen to Slipknot? Play Commander Keen again? When you're wasted in a car full of people you don't want to talk to, there's nothing else to do.
6.) Enjoy the scenery
OK, I'm tripping over my heels now.
If no one overly objects, I'd like to take a week off of writing updates next week, in order to muster new ideas, revise for my final exams, etc. If I come up with anything cool, I'll put it up.
Finally, a joke my little cousin told me. Both amusing and cringsome! Wahey!
"...and Jesus spake to John 'Come forth my son, and you shall have eternal life!' Unfortunatly, he came fifth, so he only won a toaster."
