Saturday, December 18
You Say You Want A Resolution...
Reading my own blog the other day, I encountered Mr Lazer's ruminations upon the coming year, and it reminded me of my own half-arsed resolutions from the beginning of the year. Every year, I make a list in my diary of the same sort of resolutions every year, and every year, I forget about the diary by May. But also, I pull off all the easy resolutions, and none of the none-so-easy ones. So, lets have a gander at some of these worthless institutions...
1.) Work on my drumming
OK, I can see already that very little of this list is actually material for hilarity, I apologise now. So, drumming. I've had that bloody drum kit for over two years now, and I'm too goddamned lazy to walk down to the garage for half an hour a night to practise. Only when I have a band round does it get a workout. The dust and rust must be getting inches thick by now. And its hardly like a guitar, you can't stick it in the boot, lug it up to university and practise in your room. Well, not without surrendering half the floor and pissing off your roommate.
2.) Get a woman(Preferably that one)
Along with the "learn an instrument", there's always "find your own penis-holder". However, to use a phrase I coined in Hull (prepares to lose all his friends at uni), the ones that are worth it aren't single, and the ones that are single aren't worth it. Its universal, isn't it? All the people you really like... sorry, sorry bloggy. Won't happen again this sentence. But anyway...
We all know by now who "that one" was, hence the crossing out. Moving on...
3.) Fuck
Well, it speaks for itself. One can only inflate ones own bike tires with the pump so many times before a desire for human contact sets in. See, if you can't think of a goos wanking metaphor, make your own up. Join in, boys and girls!
4.) Principles (again)
I'm a very principled guy, little as it seems. Hold doors open for people, even if you look stupid doing it. Thank anyone who does likewise, even if very quietly. Be nice to everyone you can be nice to. I kinda broke that the other year by slapping a friend, but in all fairness we both know she had it coming.
5.) At uni- join a gym.
I was under some bizarre impression, at the turn of the year, that going to university would be such a dramatic change, that I would end up signing up for a gym, go every week, and end up with abs that ahd women drooling all over them. About one third of that sentence has occured thus far. I signed up, had a stonking cold, thus preventing me going, then ran out of the folding. Ah well, there's always Arnolod Right-Hand, and Mary Jane Wana to keep me going. Sigh...
6.) At uni- drink more.
*insert long amount of uneering giggling*
7.) Take over the world.
Because we all know that I deserve to rule the world. You pretend that I'm just another guy, but really, you all want me as your master, and you all want my children. Yeah, and the usual spiel as well.
8.) Make/update humour/blog site.
Erm... There you go then.
That reminds me, I need a diary for next year. Preferably one with only half the year in it, so that I don't waste paper...
1.) Work on my drumming
OK, I can see already that very little of this list is actually material for hilarity, I apologise now. So, drumming. I've had that bloody drum kit for over two years now, and I'm too goddamned lazy to walk down to the garage for half an hour a night to practise. Only when I have a band round does it get a workout. The dust and rust must be getting inches thick by now. And its hardly like a guitar, you can't stick it in the boot, lug it up to university and practise in your room. Well, not without surrendering half the floor and pissing off your roommate.
2.) Get a woman
Along with the "learn an instrument", there's always "find your own penis-holder". However, to use a phrase I coined in Hull (prepares to lose all his friends at uni), the ones that are worth it aren't single, and the ones that are single aren't worth it. Its universal, isn't it? All the people you really like... sorry, sorry bloggy. Won't happen again this sentence. But anyway...
We all know by now who "that one" was, hence the crossing out. Moving on...
3.) Fuck
Well, it speaks for itself. One can only inflate ones own bike tires with the pump so many times before a desire for human contact sets in. See, if you can't think of a goos wanking metaphor, make your own up. Join in, boys and girls!
4.) Principles (again)
I'm a very principled guy, little as it seems. Hold doors open for people, even if you look stupid doing it. Thank anyone who does likewise, even if very quietly. Be nice to everyone you can be nice to. I kinda broke that the other year by slapping a friend, but in all fairness we both know she had it coming.
5.) At uni- join a gym.
I was under some bizarre impression, at the turn of the year, that going to university would be such a dramatic change, that I would end up signing up for a gym, go every week, and end up with abs that ahd women drooling all over them. About one third of that sentence has occured thus far. I signed up, had a stonking cold, thus preventing me going, then ran out of the folding. Ah well, there's always Arnolod Right-Hand, and Mary Jane Wana to keep me going. Sigh...
6.) At uni- drink more.
*insert long amount of uneering giggling*
7.) Take over the world.
Because we all know that I deserve to rule the world. You pretend that I'm just another guy, but really, you all want me as your master, and you all want my children. Yeah, and the usual spiel as well.
8.) Make/update humour/blog site.
Erm... There you go then.
That reminds me, I need a diary for next year. Preferably one with only half the year in it, so that I don't waste paper...
